Forever young...

It's funny how things sometimes hit you when you least expect it. My new CD has this 80's hit by Alphaville on it, and I never used to like this song, but somehow today it made me think a lot. I was watching one of my favourite movies Okinawa Rendezvous the other day. It made me think of Leslie Cheung rather deeply. I never was a big fan of his, but now his 2003 suicide is making me think. Some people were saying he has been depressed for two years prior to his suicide, some said he's been sad for 20 years! Some people said the reason for his suicide was that he couldn't bear to grow old and he wanted to be the pop and movie prince of Hong Kong for always. He had this...attraction factor about him, what the Cantonese will call "xiu sa". I was thinking...is suicide really such a serious matter? I agree with the idea that suicide is very selfish, because you are not caring for what people who love you feel. But in the first place, no one in their normal, sane happy mind would want to do this. Some Christians say that God could forgive any crime, even murder, but not suicide. Suicide hard binds you to the way to hell, they say. I still don't believe in the hell concept, and I think I love the Gnostic concept that God is all-loving and would not have created such a place like hell. Then again, if hell is true, I don't want to be killing myself and then end up in some place much more worse than Earth. I need more reassurance that hell does not exist. I was thinking...is suicide such a bad idea? I've had suicidal thoughts many times before. When I'm of no use to anyone anymore perhaps it is something to consider... Lets dance in style, lets dance for a while Heaven can wait were only watching the skies Hoping for the best but expecting the worst Are you going to drop the bomb or not? Let us die young or let us live forever We dont have the power but we never say never Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip The musics for the sad men Can you imagine when this race is won Turn our golden faces into the sun Praising our leaders were getting in tune The musics played by the madmen Forever young, I want to be forever young Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever Some are like water, some are like the heat Some are a melody and some are the beat Sooner or later they all will be gone Why dont they stay young Its so hard to get old without a cause I dont want to perish like a fading horse Youth is like diamonds in the sun And dimonds are forever So many adventures couldnt happen today So many songs we forgot to play So many dreams are swinging out of the blue We let them come true

Nothing to say, but much in the mind...

The previous post served its purpose. It wasn't easy...it was hard...really hard. You might think things will change once you "wake up"...but sometimes, "waking up" does not change certain things...

Some things are real, and they'll always be larger than life. Look at the bright side of it and smile that it was once with you.





I am now at a point in my life where many main issues are yet to be settled. Thankfully, I can say career is somewhat settled. I know what is expected of me, and I know what I want. But life is much more than career and money. I have still to fill certain voids in my life...I want the truth, about what really happened. I will accept anything, but let it be the truth please.